Hilarious Reasons I Stopped Dating Someone

You may see shades of Jerry Seinfeld…

… But these are all real instances wherein I stopped dating a person, because I just could not get past the quirks.

1. She would not take off her clothes.

I’m not talking about a stranger, someone I’ve only been out with once or twice, she was my “girlfriend.” At least, according to her, she was my girlfriend. I didn’t see it that way; we had been dating for three months, and I wanted some action. Until I’ve slept with a girl, we’re just dating. After that, it’s a different story.

I didn’t beg. I didn’t whine. I didn’t moan, and man did I want to moan, so after three months of deep kissing and heavy petting, I called it quits and moved on.

2. Her nipples were really long.

I’m not talking big nipples. I mean that they were long. Those knobs stuck out like over an inch from her tits. It was disconcerting for a number of reasons, the worst of which is the fact that I like gently biting nipples, but I didn’t want to put my mouth anywhere near those things; it made me feel like I was getting freaky with an alien…an alien with really long nipples.

3. She would not laugh.

Yeah, like in Scrubs when JD was dating that one girl who didn’t laugh. She just kept saying…