A Loose History of Sex Toys

I have the flu. I am absolutely avoiding all contact with human beings until I get better. Fortunately, I have a computer, an internet connection, and a bunch of sex toys.

Naturally, I began to wonder; what was the first sex toy? Is there a history of sex toys and their evolution?

Wikipedia had quite a bit of information on kinds of sex toys, but not when they were first discovered, or how they’ve been developed throughout the ages. I did, however, find a little article on Dailymail.uk.co.

It claims that the first phallus-shaped sex toy was made from stone and dried camel dung.

DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.

Look, they found this stone thing. It’s 28,000 years old. Maybe, it’s been damaged since it was created. Maybe it was just something someone made to pass the time. There’s no way to know that some crazy chick decided to stick this in her cunt.

I seriously doubt this was a sex toy, but whatever.

The article went on to claim that in the Middle East, Egyptians and Greeks used unripe bananas or dried camel doodie. Uh… Greece is not “The Middle East.” Greece is in Europe. The Middle East usually denotes countries like Iraq, Kuwait, or the United Arab Emirates, but again, whatever — all irrelevant.